healing

Still trying to absorb the life changing experience that I just floated through finally crashing through a thin paper scrim breaking my nose while having a heart attack. It was real I know. I did have a deep good sleep last night. I've started all the meds. and took a longish walk today but took the subway back one stop with lots of stairs which I climbed out of the hole into the cool daylight. I might be doing too much, and will try to take it easier. I picked up the new Julia Glass and she could be a good read. Slowly working on my art, which is still important to me. In the hospital I saw my life sometimes pass in front of and behind me and sometimes walking near my side holding my hand. . As I said this was the place that my mom passed in 1994 and I felt her presence in a strange way. Let me explain. in 1956 when I was 9 "The man who knew too much" opened at the paramount in times sq. and I was one crazed kid because I loved both Hitchcock and Doris Day so the excitement was there not only for me but my mother as well who was also a huge fan of Hitchcock movies and his tv show. The big song that year was "Que Sera, Sera (Whatever Will Be, Will Be and it was often that my mother (no great singer) would sing it to me or we would sing it together. Maybe the last night at Lutheran I kept passing in and out of sleep when I heard a black nurse with a beautiful voice on her night passage to take some kind of test, rolling her cart through the hall singing Que Sera Sera and stopping her singing when she reached the next patient on her rounds. She stopped at my bed but continued singing the song to me in her beautiful voice as she took something teemed necessary, probably my blood pressure and brought me to tears, half here and half asleep, but tears for sure. Half asleep I told her she had a beautiful voice, she giggled and thanked me and minutes later I could hear her passing in the hall singing her song, a moment of spiritual bliss passing between her, my mother and me.